Issues
and Answers
Here are some of the issues Discipline Without Damage addresses: Click on topics
that interest you.
Helping kids get to bed quickly and
quietly.
Managing fussing and fighting.
Arresting the whining habit.
Handling temper tantrums safely and
effectively.
Transforming stubbornness into
willingness.
Adjusting the "me first" or,
"I had it first" attitude.
Changing rudeness into gentleness.
Responding when your child says "no"
to you.
Helping kids get to bed quickly and quietly.
Bedtime - a continuous hassle in some households. Kids often push their parents
to the breaking point. But, it doesn't need to be that way.
Our plan includes:
-A regular time for bed
-A chart that lists all the events in the bedtime ritual
-Playing the same music as the cue for quiet time
-Using only Quiet
Correction after the quiet time cue has been given
We also reinforce that plan with OTR
to help form a new habit, and Get
Ready, Get Set to help kids make the transition from evening
activities to bedtime.
Managing fussing and fighting.
Fussing and fighting between siblings is normal and very common. Moreover, we
must realize that kids may be modeling the way their parents and other adults
solve problems!
In any case, DWD offers some Magic
Handles to help solve conflicts quickly and gracefully…
-Use the words "please" and "next"
-We use "May I please be next?"
-Use the word "watcher" as Positive
Redirection
-We use "How about you being a watcher this time?"
-Use The Three-Question
Quiz
-We say "You can fuss, ignore or work it out. Which is the best choice
right now?"
Arresting the whining habit.
From the outset, children behave pragmatically. In other words, if a behavior
works (gets them all or part of what they want), they repeat it. If it fails,
they eventually discard that behavior and go on to the next experiment. Habits,
then, are nothing more than successful experiments repeated. Whining is
traditionally one of the more successful experiments children use because it is
extremely difficult for adults to ignore. However, Intentional
Ignoring, along with OTR
helps establish a new habit that replaces whining.
Handling temper tantrums safely and effectively.
Trying to reason with the child during temper tantrums is neither productive,
nor is it healthy for the child or the child's parent. What to do? The
Think Space is an excellent tool allowing the child both the
time and the space to freely drain pent-up emotion without unnecessary
interference from a supervising adult. It also enhances the emotional
development of the child.
Transforming stubbornness into
willingness.
Childhood stubbornness is commonly motivated by two factors - fear and control.
When stubbornness is a product of fear, the adult is encouraged to either help
the child begin the requested task or wait to arrange an OTR
exercise. When it is a control issue (which is normal), taking the child to The
Think Space helps transform resistance into an attitude of
cooperation. It also prevents the adult from becoming involved in the
stubbornness game. In addition, The
Perfect Choice, Intentional
Ignoring, Quiet
Correction and Positive
Redirection also provide the means to avoid unnecessary
confrontations rooted in stubbornness.
Adjusting the "me first" or, "I had it
first" attitude.
Typically, the adult response to the "I had it first" dispute is
deciding who actually had the object first. The next step is commonly rewarding
the offended child by giving him whatever it was that was taken away. However,
in doing that, we cheat the child out of an opportunity to develop the higher
traits of peaceful negotiation, patience and deference.
One of our Magic
Handles
-Who will be the first to use courtesy?
-encourages adults to reward generosity.
Another Magic
Handle
-May I please be next?
-also encourages patience, honor and generosity.
Changing rudeness into gentleness.
Rudeness is often modeled for a child in the way people interact with each other
and/or solve their problems. Children with assertive, insistent dispositions
will especially imitate the rudeness they observe in their role models. Their rudeness
is then encouraged through the irreverent and raw entertainment of our society.
Happily, we find that these same children, with appropriate training, become
gentle, caring people. Some tools we use to encourage gentleness include Role
Replay, Refreshing
Repetition, and OTR.
Responding when your child says "no" to you.
From the time children begin exploring their world, they are hearing the word
"no" constantly. Is it any wonder that "no" is one of their
first words? A modified form of Intentional
Ignoring is an effective tool in this situation. Simply smile
and say, "We say, okay to Mommy," and then carry on as though the
child has agreed with you. The truth is, showing a child what TO do more
consistently than what NOT to do will gradually reduce the word "no"
in both your and your child's vocabularies.
